


Tonight I’ll hold your hand

by Kyungsoobs (Kihyuncrush)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Panic Attacks, Swearing, i love chansoo, its just the f word, mentioned Junhoe - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:33:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22931035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kihyuncrush/pseuds/Kyungsoobs
Summary: TW // Panic attacks, mention of anxiety, mention of alcohol (nothing too harsh)Kyungsoo had been ignoring Chanyeol for a while. No matter how the taller boy tried to get his attention, nothing would work, and he eventually gave up on trying.They meet again, unexpectedly, at one of Baekhyun's fancy parties.Chanyeol knows he can't let go.
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47





	Tonight I’ll hold your hand

Today was a great day, filled with the upcoming summer warmth and city lights giving the street a fresh tint of yellow. The atmosphere was full of laughter and upbeat music coming from some college students’ end-of-the-semester and birthday party.

  
That’s what Kyungsoo would’ve said if he was stupid.

  
Actually, the night wasn’t supposed to go like this. The air was cold outside, the moon rising as the last bits of music could be heard when people finally started leaving after spending hours sweating and partying.  
Sure, partying was great. At least for a while, Kyungsoo thought.  
The party was getting to an end, lots of people already left. He knew because he saw them waving at him. He politely waved back at them as he was lighting up his 8th cigarette of the night.  
Partying wasn’t really his cup of tea, especially when it comes to loud music, lots of people dancing and throwing up in the public toilets, or next to the actual toilet bowl. He himself felt his stomach churning when he remembered how much alcohol he engulfed already.

He’d rather stay at home or with close friends, only drinking and smoking in a safe place, allowing his friends to keep an eye open and to tell him when he had to stop before he’d go too far and end up in a worse state he usually was. That is, if he actually met his friends ever. It had been a while since they all met up.  
His eyes were humid and burning from the smoke, hands dead cold. He was too engrossed into the cigarette for his own good, so much that he didn’t hear a tall red-haired man crouching next to him.

  
“Lighter, Kyungsoo.” he almost jumped before acknowledging the presence beside him and handing the lighter over.

  
The deep voice belonged to a man known as Park Chanyeol. Also known as everyone’s best friend.

He used to be particularly close with Kyungsoo, even though they only met in high school, which was 3 years ago as they were now attending college.

He heard the boy struggling with the lighter, cursing quietly under his breath as he finally succeeded in lighting up the cigarette.

They chose different majors: Kyungsoo opted for Art while Chanyeol kept on studying music. They only had a few classes together, not like they would attend them all anyway, Kyungsoo didn’t remember which ones exactly. He knew he was drifting apart with all his friends this year, especially the tall one. They stopped talking after a long period of isolation from Kyungsoo. Eventually, Chanyeol grew tired of not really getting any news from him.

Baekhyun, one of their friends, had passed by Kyungsoo’s apartment that day and told him to attend his birthday party. He didn’t leave any choice to Kyungsoo as he practically dragged the younger out of his apartment on same party day, “just to make sure you’d actually make it”, as he had told the younger.

Chanyeol gave him the lighter back, slowly taking in a puff of the cigarette he was now holding in his mouth.

  
“How many of them?” the older asked him, avoiding Kyungsoo’s eyes.

The latter took out the nicotine pack from his pocket, and acted like he was counting, even though he really couldn’t care less.

  
“Maybe 3 or 4?” the younger tried, knowing he doesn’t sound the least bit convincing.

  
Chanyeol sighed, “You know that’s not true.”  
“So what difference does it make?”

  
Kyungsoo was already getting annoyed.

They only had such a small interaction, yet he felt like his headache worsened. The alcohol, the smoke, the music, all of it was too much at once.

  
“You know what it does…” the oldest muttered, not wanting to start a fight with his friend, they already had enough of those in the past.

  
Chanyeol had no clue where, when and how it went wrong.

Both of them used to be close, although the boy had seemed a bit cold at first. He knew Kyungsoo wasn’t feeling that great this year, for reasons he wasn’t aware of.

After a few minutes of silence, a stomping noise came to their ears.

  
“Guys I know the night is so fresh and all, but it’s only us now, and maybe some other friends you don't know of but who cares!! You need to go back inside so we can party for real now!!!” Baekhyun said, standing proud in his ripped skinny jeans and making an encouraging gesture to get his friends to join him inside.

This over-energetic dude won’t ever stop screaming, Kyungsoo thought.

He didn’t even wait for them to get up as he already went back inside, taking care of other guests.  
Thus, Chanyeol got up on his tall legs, brushing off some dust on his trousers.

“You’re not coming?”  
“Go first, ‘be back in a few.” Kyungsoo replied while urging him to go back inside.

  
Chanyeol saw the way Kyungsoo let his head hide under his arm, waving at him, but didn’t think too much of it. He quickly got inside.

Not so surprisingly, the air inside was so hot he instantly felt better after staying in the cold even for a short time.

The music, however, was blasting so loud he was almost sure he could go deaf if they kept that same volume for the remaining hours. He noticed how Baekhyun was coming to him, happily holding out a beer for his friend to taste, as if they hadn’t all been drunk since the beginning of the party.

“So how’s Kyungsoo?” His short friend asked innocently, eyeing other people dancing crazily while leaning slightly on Chanyeol’s shoulder.  
Chanyeol refrained himself from sighing, bringing the beer to his lips as to drink it, then nonchalantly replying.

“How am I supposed to know?”

  
The red haired looked at him, surprised. He squinted as his staring made the taller boy more and more uncomfortable.

"You know he’s been... dealing with stuff and everything, right? That’s the reason why I invited him tonight. I know he doesn’t like loud parties. Heck, he made me go through hell last time we went to Junhoe’s, but this time? He’s not even talking to anybody. He keeps smoking and shrugs each time I try to check on him.", Baekhyun said, looking a bit annoyed.

Chanyeol hummed, understanding, at least that’s what he was going for. He soon realized he failed that impression when the tipsy man crossed his arms in front of him, pouting.

  
"Look, obviously I’ve noticed how you don’t talk to each other anymore, even more, it’s like you don’t look at each other at all. What happened? You were pretty close before..."

The hint of worry was definitely betraying Baekhyun’s furrowed brows, which made Chanyeol scoff.  
He had noticed how the boy had slowly drifted away from him. He was definitely aware of how his best friend suddenly started ignoring him for absolutely no reason and how Kyungsoo’s condition only got worse with time. He wanted to have a discussion with him, only if he let him.

"I don’t even know, I wish I would though... We both got busy with life, it happens. What should I do?"  
"Maybe try and take advantage of this party to talk to him? Why do you think I invited you in the first place? Kyungsoo is my only love."  
"Ouch. That wasn’t necessary.", Chanyeol said, purposely making an exaggerated fainting impression to make Baekhyun laugh.

  
The older boy looked at Chanyeol with fondness, then gave him a light pat on the shoulder before leaving him to his quest.  
Chanyeol sighed. Baekhyun really is something.

As the tall student made his way out of the house, he overheard a couple talking behind the wall.  
A "What should we do? Should we call Baekhyun?" said by a man, followed by a "He said he was okay though...", probably from his girlfriend.

Who’s "he"? Nobody was outside since the party was happening in the house.

Nobody except Kyungsoo.

  
Shit.

  
Chanyeol hastily walked over to the couple.

"Excuse me, is someone feeling sick? Is he outside? Does he have black hair and a leather jacket?", he said in one breath, his eyes looking around, alarmed.  
The couple looked at each other.

"There is this dude who was shaking really bad, just around the corner."

Chanyeol already started moving. It was definitely Kyungsoo. It happened before.  
He didn’t have to run a lot as he found the small boy on the ground, head down. His figure was trembling as if he was made of thin ice.  
The heart wrenching scene was almost too much for Chanyeol to bare until he quickly reminded himself of what he has to do.

He kneeled in front of Kyungsoo’s fragile body, placing a secure hand on his back.

"Hey soo, breathe for me, okay? Follow the pattern, you know how it works.", the tall boy calmly said as he imitates a basic breathing pattern for the latter to follow.  
"I don’t— i’m okay— i-"  
"Yes Soo. You’re okay. Breathe with me. You’re doing great. Look at me."

  
Chanyeol softly raised Kyungsoo’s head until their eyes met. He had to get the boy to focus on getting oxygen in his lungs.  
The smaller ones’ eyes kept on shaking and moving around, but a firm yet gentle grab of his chin made him look at Chanyeol again.

He took one of the brunette’s hand as the latter held on it for dear life, so tight his knuckles turned white.

Chanyeol never let go of him. Soon after that, Kyungsoo started following along.

  
It took about 10 minutes of steadying Kyungsoo’s breathing and Chanyeol whispering praising and encouraging words to finally get the student to relax.

The taller had caught Kyungsoo’s phone which was threatening to fall off the pocket of his jeans, and gave it back to its owner when the latter finally calmed down. The way Kyungsoo’s fingers were as cold as snow against his own hand made Chanyeol shiver. He then slowly placed said hands on the smaller’s once again, trying to get some warmth in there as he was rubbing them tenderly.

  
"Are you okay? Do you want to get somewhere away from here?" He said to the boy, searching for his eyes.

Kyungsoo shook his head, eyes now on the ground. He was probably embarrassed since this was their first real interaction in a long while.

Kyungsoo has had bad panic attacks before. Long ones. Some less bearable than others.

Lots of panic attacks but Chanyeol was there through all of them. That is, the ones he knew off, his friend had always been secretive about his mental health, unless they were both completely wasted. Emotions had never been their forte, but Chanyeol couldn’t stop worrying about his friend’s constant anxious state and unusual silence.

It only got worse when Kyungsoo unexpectedly started to ignore him, be it on campus or whenever they’d pass by each other. The tall boy tried multiple times to approach his friend, without success. The latter always seemed busy, to have better places to be, wouldn’t look at Chanyeol in the eyes, and that pissed him off.

At some point, he stopped trying. He eventually convinced himself that Kyungsoo wasn’t interested in being his friend anymore.

  
Maybe he was wrong.

  
Maybe he should’ve pushed the shorter boy a bit more.  
Maybe he should’ve shown more concern towards his friend. He was aware of the mental state of Kyungsoo. He should’ve known better than to give up just because his friend was giving him the cold shoulder for a while. Don’t we all have these kind of moments?

  
Thoughts kept running through his head as he forced himself to concentrate on his obviously suffering friend. He seemed way better now, colors were coming back to his face, leaving a bunch of soft red spots on his cheeks and nose. The dark circles under his eyes were a big contrast on his face. He remembered how he used to call him "Moon boy", because of how pale his skin was. When they used to hang out together, they’d go everywhere they could and taste the sun. It seemed like they were back on square one.

Kyungsoo let out a heavy sigh.

  
He felt like shit. Well, even that was an understatement.

To realize he just had a panic attack in front of the person he avoided the most for the past months, and that person to be there and comfort him through it all? That’s just not how he predicted the night to go.

Fuck Baekhyun and his stupid parties.

He knew his best friend meant well, but this?

The embarrassment had to be showing on his face as he felt himself burn, avoiding any eye contact with the man in front of him.

"I'm okay now."

They both stood there in silent. He thought Chanyeol would’ve gotten up and went right after he assured he was fine, but the latter didn’t move an inch. It would be concerning if Kyungsoo didn’t feel the guilt creeping at him. He knew he had to make things better between them. He had to tell Chanyeol, his friend, why he suddenly ghosted him out of nowhere.

"Hey, I-"  
"I'm sorry."

It was his friend who started speaking , cutting him mid-sentence.  
Kyungsoo slowly raised his eyes to the taller student, surprised by the sudden apology.

"I've been a shitty friend. We were really close and I knew about your panic attacks and didn’t do anything because I thought you didn’t want to be friends anymore, which is fine, by the way. Especially since I didn’t try harder when you most probably were feeling bad. Guilt hit me in the face a long time ago but I couldn’t find the courage to talk to you. I don’t know how you feel about this now, but I want to try again. You’re so, so precious and I miss you. Fuck, we’re not into sharing cups of tea and crying over whatever might happen to us, but I miss you so much. Is that bad? Wanting you to stay by my side even though I couldn’t be a better friend to you?"

Those words were so full of sincerity and emotions.

Kyungsoo’s mind went blank.

He couldn’t comprehend why his friend was apologizing right now, but the way he opened his heart right for him made him feel all fuzzy, pulling right at the heartstrings.

He locked his eyes into the taller’s big ones. He felt both like freaking out and stay here and maybe drown in those eyes he had missed.

He wasn’t a pro at being emotional. Heck, he’s never been one to show actual attachment to someone, but now?  
His heart was filled with warmth because of the touching words.  
Should he just tell him everything? What if he wasn’t ready to hear what Kyungsoo had to say? What if they couldn’t remain as friends after that?  
He decided that he had worried enough for a lifetime.  
Chanyeol missed him, he missed Chanyeol and that’s all that mattered.

The red haired boy had a concerned look on his face, tilting it slightly.

"Kyungsoo? I'm sorry to bother you at such a moment but—"  
"I like you."

Silence.

Chanyeol might have lost an eyeball if he had opened his eyes any wider. The shock was so painfully visible on his face that Kyungsoo waited before proceeding.  
Seeing that his friend was still staring at him and not running away, he went on.

"I like you. It’s been a while. That’s why I started ghosting you. Bad shit happened, i was ashamed of having so many panic attacks, but then you were there. Always. You stayed by my side every time I felt like dying. At all time. You’re such a caring and wonderful person, how was I supposed not to fall. Ha. Anyway, I don’t care anymore. You’ve seen me through every state, might as well just putt this on the table. I still like you. I probably won’t stop liking you. You still feel like being friends? You still think we can make things go back to-"

He was cut off by a pair of lips on his. Chanyeol gently placed his hand on the side of Kyungsoo's head, holding him in place. It felt warm, sweet and welcoming. Kyungsoo felt at home.

It was a short but intimate kiss. Something they both shared in the moment. Something that meant so much more than any words spoken. A breathtaking kiss followed by a thumb slowly running down Kyungsoo's face. Then, a kiss on his forehead. Then, Chanyeol beaming at him, sporting the most beautiful smile Kyungsoo had ever seen.

Just chaste little things leaving him irrationally breathless. His chest felt heavy with love, trust and something he couldn't describe for the red haired boy.

"Let's go inside, then we can talk about all of this." Chanyeol told him.

Kyungsoo shook his head.

"I'm tired, let's just go to sleep." He said while reaching for the hand that was resting on his left cheek.

They both got up and went inside, not even giving attention to anybody who was still in the hall. They made their way upstairs, hands still linked, and entered Baekhyun’s bedroom.

"Isn’t he gonna sleep there?"  
"He can sleep on the sofa downstairs."

Chanyeol scoffed at Kyungsoo’s response, trying to ignore how messy the room was before plopping onto the bed, dragging the shorter boy with him.

"I just wished you told me sooner. It’s not like I didn't like you or anything. I mean, I didn’t really consider it but those feelings were there ever since we first met. We’re just good to each other, I guess?" Chanyeol said, stroking Kyungsoo's head.

The latter hummed at the move.

"What’s with the emotional speech? I thought we both had a heart of stone. Can I still go back on my words about liking you?" He said, laughing as Chanyeol gave him a dirty look.

"You can’t. I’m not letting you go anymore."

"Stay, then. Don’t leave me." The short boy whispered, letting his head fall on the taller’s chest, being lulled by the stroking.

Chanyeol smiled fondly. He closed his eyes as he adjusted himself in the bed. He took the younger's hand in his before sighing contently.

"I’m not going anywhere."

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE I'm so glad I'm finally done with this, but also SO SORRY for the lack of quality content. Seriously, I was so fed up with this thing I started MONTHS ago, so I had to rush things, especially since uni is taking all my not-so-free time.  
> I wish I could've talked more about how panic attacks can occur (you know, for awareness) but I didn't want it to be the main point of this fic,,,,, I'll probably elaborate on this in some other work I'm currently writing.  
> I'm so embarrassed it's been so long since i've posted anything,,,, I hasn't been able to write a lot BUT I'm working on more stuff and hopefully I'll be able to post soon!  
> I apologize for any mistake as English isn't my first language (also it's almost 2am and I just can't go through the whole fic to fix errors or I'll lose my mind), but I hope you enjoyed the story! ;;;;;;


End file.
